10 years a Momma

So I just turned 32 years old last week, although some of my peers might be freaking out as we are edging closer to the mid-30’s mark – I am good. Age has never been a scary thing for me. Of course, I am one to want to live forever lol. I want to see my kiddos with their kids and their grandkids. I want to grow super old with my husband. I want to see things – but from the comfort of my home, not much for traveling unless it’s to the beach lol. But I think my biggest and most important accomplishment has been my kiddos.

I haven’t always taken the easiest path in life. I have always wanted to do things my way or no way because I, of course, know the best way to handle things – or that’s at least what I told myself. Obviously, with that being said, I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise and my parents remind me of that every day. I wanted to go to college and get my teaching degree but also wanted to hang out with my friends and have a good time. I also wasn’t very good with the whole “work hard, play harder” situation. Either way, I’m glad we can laugh about it now but I was reeeeeeally good at the playing part.

Let’s fast forward to the time that I thought I was ready for a family. I don’t know about y’all, but this still makes me laugh. Who is ever truly ready for a baby? I mean, I was the furthest thing from being ready but even those that think they are, probably aren’t. I was a hot mess: 19 or 20 years old, dropped out of college to move back to Richmond, VA, jumped from job to job but really “peaked” as a manager at Food Lion haha. I was married to my first “love” but still living with my in-laws at the time. I thought I could rule the world – lol it’s a good thing I wasn’t full of myself. I mean, I know how it happens but still wasn’t fully prepared when I found out I was pregnant. I was still a baby myself but the thought of having my own baby was awesome. Unfortunately, I had 3 miscarriages the first 3 times I became pregnant. If that wasn’t reason enough to change what I was doing I don’t know what is. At that point I was devastated and wanted nothing more than I carry a baby in my belly and be a Mom.

At the age of 21, I was pregnant with my little Mileigh Ann. She became my whole stinkin’ world y’all! She came into the world just 11 days after my 22nd birthday. I might not have made the best decisions as we were growing up together but I knew she was meant to be my little Goober. Being that I only had one kiddo, she went everywhere with me. In hindsight, maybe places that she shouldn’t have been but I was her Momma and I wanted to show her to the world. Eventually I had her brother, Conor Mathew, 2 years later and things just got crazy from there. In the last 10 years, I have since been divorced and left from a not so great situation, ended up reconnecting with one of my best friends from high school and remarrying him years later. We made a life together. We both have great jobs, we have a beautiful house, and now have added to our family. We fought my cancer together. We handled more miscarriages together (have had a total of 6 now). We’ve been through a lot but I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else. Needless to say, I am happy.

I am the proudest Momma to three happy, respectful, adorable kiddos. As I write this, my oldest will be turning 10 years old on Sunday and I struggling. She made me a Momma. She and I grew up together. She showed me what true love is. She pushed me to be the best person I could be, in ways that she will never understand. It’s amazing the impact one little girl can be on your life – especially when she’s only been around for 1/3 of it but it’s by far the best part!

So this is just a quick reminder to hug your babies tight. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was watching that sweet baby sleep in her crib. Now she gets on the bus without a hug or kiss. She wants to run the neighborhood with her friends. She is my social butterfly that doesn’t want to be held back, and in so many ways a spitting image of her Momma. I love you Mileigh Ann and thank you for being the start of my biggest trophy! I am grateful for each of my kiddos – Mileigh, Conor and Spence – and blessed I was picked to be their Momma! ❤️

Relay for Life Team: All Night for the Fight

Ok yall, it’s time for Relay for Life!!! I couldn’t be more thrilled to have our own team this year and it’s going to be AWESOME!

An introduction to Relay for Life:

I’m going to be completely honest, prior to being diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer, I had remembered hearing about it Relay for Life but had never participated in one. I was asked by my dear friend and neighbor last year to join her team, not truly understanding what it was all about. I can tell you, this experience was life changing. To see so many people coming together to help bring awareness, raise money, and support each other was just an incredible thing – and of course, it was FUN! Please, please, please come and hang out with us! 🙂

What is Relay for Life:

  • It’s an organized, overnight community fundraising walk for ALL cancers
  • Teams of people camp out around a track
  • Members of each team take turns walking around the track
  • Food, games, and activities provide entertainment and build camaraderie
  • Family-friendly environment for the entire community

What makes Relay for Life more awesome?

  • In more than 5,200 communities and 20 countries, Relay for Life events comprise the signature fundraiser for the American Cancer Society, raising more than $400 million dollars.
  • Survivors Lap: All cancer survivors at the event take the first lap around the track, celebrating their victory over cancer while cheered on by other participants who line the track.
  • Luminaria Ceremony: Takes place after dark, so we can remember people we have lost to cancer, honor people who have fought cancer in the past, and support those whose fight continues. Candles are lit inside of personalized bags and are placed around the Relay track as glowing tributes to those who’ve been affected by cancer.
  • Fight Back Ceremony: This emotionally powerful ceremony inspires Relay participants to take action. The Fight Back Ceremony symbolizes the emotional commitment each of us can make in the fight against cancer. The action taken represents what we are willing to do for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for our community to fight cancer year-round and to commit to saving lives.

What to expect at a Relay Event?

  1. Relayers are welcomed in the Opening Ceremony.
  2. Relay starts with the Survivor Lap, when survivors walk to celebrate their victory over cancer.
  3. The Caregiver Lap recognizes those who have given care to cancer patients.
  4. All of the Relay teams are invited to walk together during the Opening Lap.
  5. Luminaria bags and candles are lit during the Luminaria Ceremony to honor loved ones who have passed or are fighting the disease.
  6. Individual Walking is observed throughout the night with Family Games, Activities, and Entertainment.
  7. The Fight Back Ceremony helps close the event. Relayers take a final lap and pledge to take action and spread awareness of cancer research, treatments, and prevention.

How can YOU help?

  • Join our team!! Seriously, it’s going to be a BLAST! Whether you can come for an hour or all night – come hang out, walk a couple laps with us and celebrate those that are fighting and honor those that we have lost.
  • Help raise money – share our team link (see below) to your Facebook page, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media. It doesn’t matter if you can give back $5 or raise $50, anything helps!!
  • Donate a Luminaria Bag/Torch – You can choose to decorate a bag (see me for details) or you can purchase online and the event will have a bag for you lining the track, including “In Honor Of”, “In Memory Of”, or “In Support Of”.
    • White Luminaria Bag – $10 (or 3 for $25)
    • Blue Luminaria Bag – 3 for $25
    • Tiki Torch of Hope – $30 (or $35 includes a keepsake)
  • Come support us!! Even if you aren’t interested in walking with our team, just come be apart of this fantatic opportunity – come watch the opening ceremony, have a few laughs, etc. Just come, but I’m going to warn you, the energy is contagious and you might not want to leave! 🙂

Event Day Logistics

  • When: Saturday, June 11, 2016 from 6pm to 7am
  • Where: Fauquier High School (702 Waterloo Road, Warrenton, VA)
  • What should I pack? folding chair, a change of clothes, a blanket/pillow, warm clothes (in case it gets chilly), bug spray, and snacks.
  • Where to meet? we have a tent set up – you just have to look for our sign with team name: All Night for the Fight!
  • Are you a Survivor? Make sure you sign up online as one so you can receive the t-shirt. And please come early to receive your complimentary food in the Survivor tent.
  • Food/Drinks? Yes there will be vendors/other teams selling food/drinks and of course, there will be water provided for participants.
  • Bathrooms? There are bathrooms on site – duh! 😉
  • Kids? Of course! You are never too young to Relay! Just make sure you bring all the necessities! And if your child under 18 years of and will be walking, be sure to bring your signed Youth Participant Agreement to the Registration table.
  • Do I have to walk the whole time?? NO! In order to represent the fact that “Cancer never sleeps”, we ask that each team has a representative walking the track at all times. This should not be just one person – team members can take shifts!
  • Want to sleep? You are more than welcome to take a nap in the tent, OR go home, take a name and come back! Participants are not required to stay up all night.

Relay for LIfe

Thank yall for taking the time to read this. I just wanted to answer any questions that you might have about this amazing event and hope to see YOU there! 🙂

Our Team Link: 

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/FauquierAllNightfortheFight 

Radioactive Iodine Therapy (RAI) – Weeks 1 and 2



I felt that I was finally emotionally ready for another post. I know that its been a good couple weeks since a post event though that was not my original intention. I wanted to post every couple of days to let everyone know what every step of the process was and everything that went into my therapy, especially for someone that was about to go through it themselves but I found that I couldn’t handle it, emotionally, mentally, and physically. The last 2 1/2 weeks have been draining, as I’ve spent most of the time driving back and forth from Bealeton, VA to Washington, DC for my daily appointments. This is “only” a 48 mile hike much more goes into it than it may seem. 

On most days I was in the Nuclear Medicine office for about an hour but there were about 3 days a week that I had additional scans that needed to be done. Just about every day for 2 weeks I had to have a Whole Body Scan and blood work to determine how quickly my body was metabolizing the small tracer dose of the radioactive iodine (given to me on 2/18). Each of my arms were completely bruised from getting bloodwork each day but you do what you gotta do! I was put in isolation at home for 48 hours where I could not be more than 3 feet away from someone and could not be around someone for more than an hour. My kiddos stayed with family during this time and even missed a little school (thankfully only one day due to some snow days). There were other days that I was there for 3 1/2 hours where I went from one scan to the next for anywhere from 20 minutes to 40 minutes per scan. I am somewhat claustrophobic so my anxiety was through the roof on these days as the scanners came just an inch from my nose and I had to fast on these days so I was always very dizzy, tired, yet had a hard time getting through it with a major headaches from not eating. Needless to say, by the time I got home, after another 2 1/2 hour drive home, I was beat and wanted to do nothing but sleep.
 





I didn’t have to drive into DC by myself because my amazing SIL offered to drive me into DC to each of my appointments. I seriously don’t know what I would’ve been able to do without her because I was in the process of transitioning to new anxiety meds. Without her, it would take, at least, 4+ hours ONE WAY to get to each of my appointments without the use of the HOV lane, not to mention, I would not be able to cope with the traffic at this point with my anxiety or the loneliness of driving that distance or depressing sitting in the Nuclear Medicine office. Let me tell you, I was the youngest one there and probably one of the few patients that still had their hair. This also meant that with every snow day we had to adjust our schedules to make sure each of our school aged kiddos were taken care of and our younger kids were with my MIL, or our neighbors. Let me just tell you, this took a lot of planning because this just happens to be the most snowy time of the year for the DC Metro area – go figure right?!?! For Fauquier County alone we received 6 snow days, 2 two-hour delays and 1 early dismissal due to snow….yes this was all within a 2 1/2 week time period. And I am currently writing this on another snow day…..on MARCH 6th! 

Back to my driving issues/anxiety….most people didn’t know that I was driving to McLean once (sometimes twice) a week to train the person that would be covering my work during my leave of absence. I am lucky enough to have the ability to work from home most days. My anxiety was so out of control during the beginning of February that I was having 4-5 anxiety attacks per week and the anxiety medication I was put on was actually making me fall asleep at all hours of the day. My Hubby has been working night shift for over a year was working extra hard at home to make sure the kids were being taking care of before leaving the house so that if I did fall asleep, everything would be ok. I also had many family, friends, and neighbors calling constantly to check on me and ready at any moment to take my call if I was driving and/or needed help to stay awake to make it to my destination. Well after making another trip to McLean for work, I ended up falling asleep at the wheel and rear-ended someone. Thank God the man in front of me was OK, my kids weren’t with me, my van was fine and and SUV in front had minor damage to the bumper. But of course this put me into another anxiety attack as I couldn’t find my insurance card (we just renewed so I guess I didn’t put the new cards in the van) but the guy was SUPER nice and let me email him my information when I got home. As soon as I drove off another anxiety attack came on, I pulled over and my MIL calmed me down. Once I finally got home, I immediately called my doctor and we went through a few days of changes before we finally decided to change meds all together. I told this part in detail because we all know our bodies, I should NOT have let the excessive sleepiness go on for 4 straight days and let this happen. The doctors have let me know that might be part of my new norm but it might just be that I need to find my “triggers” and ways to calm myself down. I have sense been changed to a new anxiety medicine and LOVE it! It’s been 3 weeks on it and 1 1/2 weeks since my last anxiety attack! Even with all this craziness going on in my life – I’d say it’s definitely working! Especially when my last anxiety attack was when we had to drive home in the sleet/snow! 

I plan on finishing part two of the story in the next couple of days but I felt up to putting a few words down today so I took advantage when I could. I did want to take a moment and say thank you to everyone to that has been there to help, support, love and listen when we needed it most!

No Baby For Me….

I have to say this might be a difficult post for me for many reasons but I know it’s on the mind of any people in the same situation….

To start off: I am so very, very grateful for the two beautiful kiddos that I have – Mileigh Ann and Conor! They made me a Mommy and that’s all I could ask for, for a long time. At this point in time I’ve had 6 miscarriages…yes, six. Most of them may have been early, the pregnancies may not have been at the right times BUT it’s never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER easy.

I first got pregnant at the early age of 19 but boy was I excited because I just recently got engaged to my “first boyfriend/love.” After 14 very long weeks pregnant, I miscarried and needed a D&C. I was devastated and it didn’t take long for me to get pregnant again (4 months to be exact) and miscarried at 8 weeks pregnant. I had another one (about 6 months later) at 6 weeks pregnant. Full disclosure: I finally got married to my then husband – we both were very immature and didn’t take care of ourselves. We both drank heavily (when I wasn’t pregnant) but he was always drinking and doing drunks – obviously with the miscarriages I became stressed and none of this helped with the pregnancies.

I had Mileigh Ann (she is now 6 1/2) and finally made me grow up. I had another miscarriage about a year later (I was 11 weeks pregnant). Then about a year later I had my baby boy Conor (he is now 4 1/2). I decided it was finally time to end things with my (now ex) husband. He was both verbally and physically abusive and I didn’t want my babies growing up in that – even though he never hurt them, it was always directed towards me and I didn’t want that to escalate.

I always kept in touch with one of my best friends, Spencer, from high school, but made sure to reach out that much more when he started going through his divorce. We both started to lean on each other through that time and ended up sparking an interest in each other. Next thing I know, I moved to NOVA (Northern Virginia) to make a better life for me and my kids and to see what was next for Spencer and me. I ended up having a miscarriage about a year into our relationship – but I was on the Mirena (a type of birth control) and somehow got pregnant and miscarried all within 4-5 weeks. Obviously it made us both very sad but we were not trying nor were we ready to start a new life.

Finally after 3 1/2 years of dating we got married, with more than enough family and friends present. We decided very early on that we wanted to get pregnant fairly quickly so the kids were somewhat close in age and so we weren’t 60 years old with middle schoolers lol. It was exactly 6 months after we said our “I do’s” that we started trying to conceive. Haha it didn’t take long, as we were pregnant within the same month that I had the Mirena removed. We obviously wanted to wait to announce but with early complications and a close family, we told all family that we saw on a regular basis. In the matter of a few more days, I miscarried at 7 weeks – having my 6th miscarriage.

Now with the whole Cancer thing – I was told I needed surgery and Radioactive Iodine Therapy, which will all set me back a few years. Depends on the day and who you ask, but my Endo said anywhere from 2-4 years break from conceiving. I know to most people that doesn’t sound like a big deal – especially when you are thinking of surgeries and treatments that need to be done for cancer, but it’s a big deal to me and my husband and our family. For the first time in our lives, we were ready to expand. We were taking that leap. And it’s not fair. Yes I know I should be, and I WANT to be, healthy for our family, both current and future. But that’s no one else’s business…I know that we still have a great chance of getting pregnant again (even after RAI) but it doesn’t make it any easier now. The doctors don’t realize that when they talk to you.

My Endo tried to compare her “being a doctor and unable to take extended time away from work to me having to wait 3-4 years to try again – PLUS I have two kids already?!?!” Are you kidding me???? Once again, none of your business that they came from a previous marriage and we aren’t done at 2.

I just wish doctors had to be directly impacted before they are able to specialize in one thing in particular – or maybe they have been but don’t necessarily sympathize. This isn’t mine or my husband’s fault. There are days that I feel at fault because he has waited so long for this day to happen but then I do understand that there is nothing I can do to change this. Just when I think I’ve “mourned” the loss of an opportunity to have another baby at the moment, I have another moment. Another baby shower comes up. My period shows it’s self again. Or just a rough day – it happens. And it’s ok to have these days – as long as we get back up the next day and push for another healthy day – another day closer to having that opportunity.

To all of you going through the same thing, I truly sympathize. I understand. And I pray that it happens when you are ready – sooner, rather than later!