So as you can imagine, I have had a hard time getting the whole cancer stuff off my brain as it’s definitely affected my life in a big way over the last 8 months. I went for a follow appointment to see my Primary doctor just last week to discuss my anxiety medications (which had to be upped…again…ugh). And the last few weeks I have been discussing my breathing issues with my Hubby – ever since my surgery (in December 2014) I haven’t been able to do a whole lot of physical activity without becoming what started off as heavily winded then turning into wheezing/hyperventilating/unable to breathe. My surgeon said that because the surgery was pretty invasive and extensive, it was going to take a while for the inflammation to go down, so it could be 2 months or it could be 6 months for things to settle down. Just give your body time to rest! Well he doesn’t know me, haha.
As time has gone on, I think I just became more aware of this happening as I wasn’t even able to go up the stairs with a heavy basket of clothes or cleaning my van or vacuum the house without this happening. So after my Hubby brought up the fact that it had been so many months, it was time to say something. With my grandmother, my dad, and my son all having asthma, that was the first conclusion. He gave me a rescue inhaler and told me to keep him in the loop as to how often its being used, as I might end up needing a preventative. He also wanted to eliminate any other sources to the problem so he ordered blood work, a lung capacity test, and a x-ray to be sure that there wasn’t any fluid in my lungs. My blood work came back all normal – they were worried that I may have been anemic or something along these lines. My lung capacity test came back normal for someone that has asthma. They were concerned that because I was known to have lesions in my lungs that I wasn’t able to get a full breath or that the radiation may have caused damage to my lungs when trying to shrink the lesions. Finally the x-ray was done and that came back with no fluid, only showing whatever is going on in my lungs, whether that being scar tissue, or the same lesions, or whatever the case.
With that being said, I felt my heart sink in my chest – in the CAT scan of my chest, they said that the lesions had shrunk so small that it couldn’t be seen or it was now microscopic. So I was really confused why they would now show up on a x-ray which isn’t as detailed as a CAT scan. I called and left a frantic message for my Endo prior to my appointment yesterday and once again…..wait…..
Getting to my appointment yesterday, I had to force myself to eat prior just so I could take my medications and was just exhausted from the anxiety of everything going on in my head. I swore every time they said that I didn’t need to worry about something, I ended up having to deal with that one thing – doesn’t matter what the ratios are. 1 of 10, 2 of 3, or 1 of 100. I’ve heard them all and I’ve been that 1% or 33% each time. Yes, I am a worry wart but I need to know – it’s so much better than NOT knowing. But once I got into the office, I knew I was finally going to get some answers. They took resting heart rate – 118 – yep that’s not good and I couldn’t stop shaking from my anxiety but that’s becoming my new normal. After the pleasant 30 minute wait in the room, my Endo finally came in and the first thing she noticed how tired I looked – yep, sure am, exhausted. She explained that it’s one of the things that I will feel when they have to suppress my Thyroid so much to keep my cancer from spreading, this is what they have to do. We talked about my breathing and what is going on and found out that I might also have asthma but it’s another side effect of a suppressed Thyroid is a rapid heart rate, which causes rapid breathing and the rest follows. I knew the anxiety is caused by all of this but I had no clue it would be this bad – I honestly have been a basket case and have no clue what to do with my self. She also explained that my dizziness and the one time I passed out came from that as well. So all those times that I felt so out of control and “crazy” and hypochondriac – I’m not. This is just my new normal and she basically said she knows it sucks – and maybe after a few years we can pull back on my meds once my cancer gets under control which will help how I’m feeling.
After my doctor finished telling me all of this, she just looked at me and knew I was just done. It’s been a very, very long few months emotionally and mentally more than anything. She said I need to de-stress my life as much as I can. I need to spend time with my kids and family. Enjoy my life and know that we are doing everything we can for my health and there is nothing we can do at this point. We are waiting for my 6 month mark after radiation and then we will know more. And at that point we will make sure we do everything we can and she will send me anywhere in the US to make sure I have the best medical care I need. She will make sure that I am taken care of from the medical side, so she said I need to make sure I take care of me and get my anxiety/stress down. She recommended that I see a counselor (which I’ve already started doing).
Overall, I needed to hear that from my doctor and it’s still going to be VERY hard for me to let things go and to de-stress my life but I have to. For my family’s sake, I need to make sure I am healthy enough to be there for them.
P.S. I want everyone to know the following: I KNOW that I have sooooo much support and love from all of my family and friends. I am writing this blog for other Thyroid Cancer patients, awareness and for myself. I don’t want this to be misconstrued as anything else. Thanks! 🙂